Frozen

Hello again friends! No I am not about to burst out into “Let it Go” as the title might imply but I wanted to write a short post about something that has kept me from blogging on a consistent basis (or at all for that fact). Or painting, or reading, or…add in pretty much anything from my day to day life. Lately I have found myself frozen. My brain shouting to me so many things I could do or so many things I should be and it keeps me prisoner. I should do a, b, c, d, and e today. Which do I do first? What if I did this instead of this? What if? What if? What if?????? Exhausting and eventually I find myself sitting in the same spot and two hours have passed. I get defeated and sometimes end up curling up and watching mindless tv or end up sleeping. In the time I was going around and around in my brain I could have done two or three of those things I wanted!

This isn’t something new to my life. Ruminiation is a common symptom of bipolar disorder and eating disorders. In fact, most people probably deal with a certain degree of this in their own day to day. The difference is, most people can priotitize and move forward. For me, if I am having a particularly difficult night, my significant other has to decide what is for dinner or else we probably wouldn’t eat!

Today I am challenging my thoughts and putting them into action. Last night I figured out 5-10 tasks that I would like to accomplish this weekend. Then I wrote down some hobbies I always want to do. Then I wrote down things to improve my overall health. All in random order. For me this looks like the following:

To do: laundry, clean the kitchen, clean the litter box, clean the fish tanks, work on organizing the storage space, clean the bathrooms, do my taxes, groom my dogs.

Hobbies: stream on twitch, paint, write, work on my blog, play the piano, read.

For overall health: go to the gym, take the dogs on a hike, track macros, drink at least 64oz of water a day.

Then I made the plan that I was going to start my day off moving. I got up and went to the gym. I came home and continued to move forward. I cleaned my kitchen and decided I wanted to write and then became excited about blogging again. For me it really is as easy as writing things down so they aren’t floating around in my brain and moving. If I am stuck I get the most out of getting out of the house. The trick with writing things down for me is to not prioritize anything unless something is absolutely essential to complete. This allows me to see it on paper and conceptualize “Oh I have twenty minutes before x, I could do this real quick.” I don’t strive to complete my list because to do lists are always evolving and never ending. If I can cross out a few here and there, I am moving forward and that is the important take away. I am no longer frozen. I don’t know the “formula” if there is one, but so far I am working on trying to complete three things a day from my to do and at least one hobby to enrich myself. Throughout the day the goal is to continue to stay mindful of my movement, food, and hydration.

I can tell you when I follow this plan I am a lot more successful, motivated, and happy. I have already accomplished way more than I did last weekend and it is only early afternoon on a Saturday. I know this can flucutate with my energy levels but on those days I try to be more gracious to myself and try to do at least a couple of things. This works for food too! I write down meals I have in my kitchen and then go down the road of what sounds good to me this moment and then I make it. No hesitation. It is that hesitation that starts the spiral. I suppose in reality to move forward, you do have to kind of “Let it Go.” 🙂

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