Waves

In between the many papers, tests and presentations, I thought I should have an update of sorts.  I have been wanting to write for a long time, but when I sit down to work there seems to always be something more pressing to do.  That is no different today, but I still need to take the time for myself.  This morning is wonderful and slow before I rush off to a full day.  I tried the pumpkin Noosa for the first time and it was amazingly delicious.  I make a pumpkin cheesecake for the holidays and this yogurt tasted a lot like that.  I highly recommend it!  I have had to be more conscientious of my meal plan lately which frustrates me, but also reminds me that life will always have the ups and downs.  I am not struggling, but I was getting into poorer habits that could lead to destructive places.  Luckily I am in a place to recognize the signs and make corrections.  Starting the day sitting down with breakfast helps tremendously.  This time of year always leads to a decrease in mood due to the time shift and the added stress of graduate school has made it extra challenging.  More days than I like to admit I want to just crawl in bed and stay there, but I keep dragging myself (extra caffeine required) along.  Being back in class makes me realize why all my bad habits were so easy.  Coping skills take time, while other behaviors don’t.  I have had to discover quick coping mechanisms to turn to.  Some of them have included social media, short play sessions with my dogs, hot showers.  Anything to clear my mind and reset so I can come back and be productive with my work.  It is a balancing act, but I am looking forward to the holiday season where I get a break from the endless pile of work and get to spend a lot of time with family.  I enjoy my work in cancer rehab and my clients brighten my day.  My training for competition is coming along well, but also with ups and downs.  School sometimes gets in the way of training and I have just had to accept that and work with the schedule I have.  Overall things are good and I am very grateful, I just need to keep taking it one day at a time and ride the waves that my mood brings.  I know that is a cliché saying when it comes to bipolar, but I have found it to be very true.  If you go with the flow of your moods and don’t fight them, they are more manageable and the negative does pass.  I am actually proud of myself.  I am handling grad school very well and I am enjoying it.  The stress and pressure is sky high, but I am prioritizing and also living life.  I am doing what I was not able to do throughout high school and undergrad.  It may have taken some time, but I feel my life is my own again.

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