Priorities

I just wanted to take a minute and throw out some advice from experience, take it or leave it, but I feel it is something to be said.  I don’t exclude myself when I say that a lot of people with eating disorders tend to make other things besides their recovery priority number one in their lives.  Big mistake.  Maybe one of the biggest mistakes you will make in life.  I know I can look back in hindsight now, while in the midst of being sick it isn’t always clear the mistakes we are making.  I get that, but that is why I am writing this to those who may not be able to see life as clearly through the lens of a disordered mind.  Stop waiting for tomorrow, for the semester to end, for the seasons to change.  Make recovery THE most significant aspect to your life NOW.  And don’t half ass it.  I told myself countless times that I was in recovery, yet refused to make it a priority in my life.  I stayed sick for far too long because of it.  I also talked myself into believing at one point that this was just how it was and I would just have food issues my whole life.  Please don’t believe that voice when you hear it.  Please don’t believe that you will be stuck forever.  I know you may be reading this and you think you are different.  Think you have it handled or think that other things in life are far too important.  Let me tell you what has been important in my life.  Taking the time to learn how to live without the eating disorder.  Because of those precious months directly spent on myself, I now have the ability to A) go out and have meaningful conversations with people B) spend less time and effort on class work because I have more energy and ability to concentrate C) have energy to work out and train and appreciate how strong I am D) fill my day with things I never would have done before E)…F)….Z)….the list could be endless and I want everyone to have their own lists free of disease.  I have come across countless people refusing to get the help they deserve because school or work or even family comes first.  I am guilty of it too and I know that is how our brains are wired, especially after the hell we put our bodies and minds through.  But you can break it.  Recovery is hard and takes a lot of motivation and dedication and it hurts and sucks and it is anything but fun – but it will give you your life back.  And instead of living in a state of quasi recovery, it is worth it to endure the pain to push past and find a new you free of the eating disorder.  I will be the first to admit that it would have been easier just to keep on living like I was, but I look back now and the life I have is astounding and beautiful.  All days aren’t always like that, but I have an abundant number of good days compared to bad and all days good or bad are more meaningful.  No matter where you are on your journey, just ask yourself a few questions.  What is stopping you from making recovery the priority in life?  How would your life look different if you put recovery first?  Everyone’s experience is unique but for the longest time me putting recovery first looked mundane.  For me it was getting up and eating breakfast and taking my medication and making it to all of my appointments.  Reading, writing, coloring, crying, shouting, feeling.  And because of it I am able to breathe again.  I want everyone to be able to breathe again.

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