Make a Decision Already!

Have you ever felt yourself frozen in time?  Literally just physically frozen.  Your mind racing with everything you should do or want to do and yet you can’t even begin to move or get any of it done?  My afternoon so far has consisted of this mess in my head and it all started with the small question of what I was going to have for lunch.  Suddenly I was questioning everything from food to my workout plan for the day to chores etc.  I have wasted the better part of the past two hours frozen in indecision.  As soon as I decide something I change my mind and contemplate “better” options and I question whether I want something or have to do something.  This is an area that I work at on a daily basis.  Distinguishing between the language and energy surrounding my actions.  After all there is nothing that I “have” to do.  It all boils down to the motivation behind my decisions.  Take for example working out.  Do I think I have to work out because the disorder tells me I do or do I want to work out because I enjoy it and want to continue to build my strength?  And the questions keep cascading from one to the next.  Do I want to work out today for the right reasons?  Yes.  Then what workout will I do?….and my mind spins for another half hour with options.  It should be as simple as A) Do I want to workout? – yes B) Do I want to go to practice, cross fit or the rec center? – and here is where I am currently stuck at for the moment.  But it just isn’t about working out.  My mind can get stuck in this rut with everything that I do.  I just want to scream at myself sometimes to just make a damn decision!  Luckily I made one about lunch and stuck to it.  Small victories.  When I get like this I find myself sinking in a downward spiral and eventually don’t want to make a decision about anything.  This generally ends with me not eating or not working out or not doing anything at all.  I like to turn my mind off at that point and generally go for a nap or other simple distractions like the TV.  That is why I am writing today.  To stop the downward spiral and realize that my day is not wasted just because I came across a rut.  It has helped to calm my mind and I start to be more rational.  I know from experience that getting out of the house is a great way to start and I also know that physical exercise is one of my best outlets.  Right there is my answer.  Stop thinking and just go.

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